Learn to Say "No" Graciously

John's the size of a mountain. His grin looks like a slice of watermelon. This giant of a fellow also came equipped with a surprisingly tender heat. He's a big man with a big need to be liked. If you ask John to do you a favor, he'll say, "yes". Even if he's pretty sure he can't do whatever you're asking, he'll still agree to do it. John struggles to say "no " because he likes to be liked. That's ironic because constantly saying "yes" has lost John several friends. John's job keeps him busy more that 40 hours a week. His pretty, young wife likes attention. When he drives, showers or watches TV, work and family responsibilities dance in his mind. A part-time second job consumes a significant chunk of time. Every morning,John gets up early,dresses, then pulls unto a slow river of traffic for an hour's commute each day, each way. John can't physically do everyting he's agreed to do. When John says "yes ," he means well. But the people who expect him to do what he promised get disappointed. Then they proceed to get angry when he doesn't follow through. John knows the weight of guilt. He doesn't answer his phone without first checking his Caller ID. He avoids people he's promised to help and doesn't return their calls. After awhile, he loses those relationships. By trying to ensure his friendships, John loses friends. All because he won't say "no". If we always say "yes" we sometimes run as great or greater danger of severing relationships that if we gently refuse right off the bat. We have limits to our time, energy and interest. While we enjoy how it feels to please others, we also know it's important to keep our lives balanced. When we can help, we should. Nobody profits from acting selfishly. But when we stretch too far, we hurt our family, our employer and ourselve by agreeing to give more than we actually can. When we dole out too much, we end up depleted and stressed. Better simply to say "no." " A pint can't hold a quart-if it holds a pint it is doing all that can be expected of it." Margaret Deland, American Writer by Vicki Hitzges