I would like your opinion!

You always want to have good spacing as far as new paragraphs. It is much easier to read and makes your points stand out more. I also regrouped your thoughts so the same idea is not split up--better flow. Don't call their situation "desperate" even if it is. Allow them their dignity.

Too many closing phrases.

How about this?

Hello,

My name is Lane McCaw. I am a Real Estate Solutions Specialist in the Quad City area.

I work with both investors and regular home buyers, many of them wanting properties right away! I work with a group of investors that can pay cash and close quickly. Since they have cash ready and available, they don't need banks to purchase properties.

Unfortunately, the number of foreclosures on the market today has greatly decreased the value of properties everywhere. If you list your property with a realtor, you MAY sell it within 6-8 months, but it could very well take even longer. You MAY get your asking price by waiting, but the odds are against it once it has been on the market for that long of a time. Meanwhile, you are continuing to make mortgage payments, insurance and maintenance costs. Many of my clients have decided that it is so much easier just have things finalized. Plus, they love the fact that they pay absolutely NO COMMISSION!

Here are a couple of options that I would like to recommend, so that you can see what might work best for you. We can offer you cash based on the ARV (After Repair Value) of your house. With this option, I can offer you $45,000 cash for your property and close within 30 days.

The second choice is a lease option based on what you owe on the property. You and I would sign a lease option contract that would be subleased to the end buyer. After a mutually agreed upon period of time, the end buyer would buy the property outright.

Which of these do you think would work best for you?

Please consider these proposals and if I have not heard from you by Friday, I will give you a call. I always present my offers in a no-pressure manner.

If you know of anyone else who is wanting to sell their house quickly, please let me know or feel free to give them my contact information. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Lane W. McCaw

Real Estate Solutions Specialist

Quad Cities IL/IA

that looks awesome!

My only comment would be to change 'since they have deep pockets' to 'since they have cash ready and available'

valerie

Yes, I like that better, too. I'll edit it just in case he wants to cut and paste. That line was bugging me, too, but I couldn't figure out how to phrase it.

Thanks Valerie!

Hopefully Lane will appreciate all these late hours we're putting in while he gets his beauty sleep!

In my many, many years of sales training, I have learned many techniques. One of the best and it's very simple is called MR. BEN. You can use it even in everyday life trying to convince someone of something. But it is also very smooth.

MR stands for make recommendation. "I recommend or "I suggest"
B stands for benefits, Tell them the benefit of your recommendation "it's finalized" "NO COMMISSIONS"
E, tell them how easy it is.
N, Normalize it. "everybody does it" "many of my clients"

Try it. It is very easy and it definitely works.

See how I worked it into the letter above?

or you can just remember MS Karen-you are just full of knowledge!

yes, it is late, or should I say early? I think people on the east coast are starting to wake up...

all kiddin' aside... MR Ben-what a great concept! will apply it.

Lane, I think your letter is now perfect!

valerie

I think we need to go to sleep....

Ok Karen, I think that DGers from the east coast can take over now...we need to catch some zzzz so that we can function in the morning-I mean later today?!

lots to do- never enough time...

valerie

Lane,Karen,Valerie looks good I see one thing.( just to have things finalized).

too long and too much information too fast. You have about 3 seconds to catch a seller's attention. Again, I would not use a "a group of investors" but "a network of professionals that specialize in buying and selling homes, we are not realtors. I do not want to list your house."

Personally, I would write a hand written letter that can be copied over and over and make it short and simple. The letter will need to look like it is handwritten even when copied.

Keep It Simple Slick

Like karen said too long and too many cliches. Do you really expect to be taken seriously when you say

"My investors have deep pockets and don't need banks to purchase properties"

and you can only offer me $45K???

Also 'real' cash buyers normally close at title which is generally two days

Also tone down on the bravado; your presentation sounds too cocky and self-assured which can turn off potential clients. And never, ever, ever,.....ever use the word desparate when speaking with someone in need.

Your entire letter should be no more than three papragraphs with the first introducing yourself and explaining what you do

double space

Detail the options you can provide without dissing others(realtors) because you never know who they might know. If you are comparing services never give #'s because you can't provide facts. if you do give #'s always say 'estimate'

double space

Your last paragraph should be about again offering your services and "looking forward to hopefully working with you to assist in your circumstance"

No need to thank in advance; you did that in last paragraph

Sincerely

All good responces. I would leave out the 45k. If I had a house that was only worth 30k I would call you for sure. If you did not pay me 45k for a 30k house, well do not offer what you can not deliver. Use fair dollar.

Lane I know you will do well with what you come up with, you have what it take to be a great investor.

Steve.

First I liked Karens Letter.... Very to the point and well written.

Dear {Home Owner}

My name is Lane McCaw. I am a Real Estate Professional in the Quad City area.

I work with both investors and regular home buyers, many of whom want to buy properties right away! The group of investors I work with can pay cash and can close quickly, even on the day of your choice. One of the big benefits is that they have cash ready and available; they don't need the typical long drawn out bank approval process to purchase properties. Even better is that they buy “As Is”, so no work requirements are necessary.

Unfortunately, there is a huge amount of foreclosures flooding the market, thus greatly decreasing the value of properties everywhere. Even worse, if you were to list your property with a Realtor, you MAY sell it within 6-8 months, but it could very well take even longer. You MAY get your asking price by waiting, but the odds are against it once it has been on the market for that long of a time, especially when banks start reducing their prices. Meanwhile, you are continuing to make mortgage payments, insurance, taxes, and maintenance costs.

Now for the good news; my sellers don’t have to wait in today’s market and stress over whether their home will sell. Because I work with cash things get done. Expectations are met and the really big plus is they love the fact that they pay absolutely NO COMMISSION!

There are two great options to selling your home, and frankly either one of them is okay. They both have their advantages and I can thoroughly explain both so that you can see which one might work best for you. We can offer you cash based on the ARV (After Repair Value) of your house. With this option, I can offer you $45,000 cash for your property and close within 30 days.
The second choice is a lease option based on what you owe on the property. You and I would sign a lease option agreement that would eventually be subleased to the end buyer. After a mutually agreed upon period of time, the end buyer would buy the property outright.

Which of these great options do you think would work best for you?
Please consider these proposals and if I have not heard from you by Friday, I will give you a call. I always present my offers in a no-pressure manner.
One last thing, if I may. A lot of the sellers I work with are so happy with their options and having their home SOLD that they refer family and friends to me. If you know of anyone else who wants to sell their house quickly, please let me know or feel free to give them my contact information. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Lane W. McCaw
Real Estate Solutions Specialist
Quad Cities IL/IA

Look Out Lane !!!!!!!

All of you! All of the DG.com family members that have stepped up to the plate to help get me to where you already are! I am right on the EDGE of my first deal! I thought I was close before but now I know I am that much closer. With the success academy on my side and the help from a fellow DG.com member, I am now going to join PMI and make that final push to getting a property on conrtact and getting it to the closing table!

Lookout for what Jim!!!