HELP dealing with 'Dream Stealers'

My husband was so supportive at first. It took 1, now I mean ONE bank to turn us down and now he thinks it will never happen, that I am dreaming. Well I got news for his. WITH OR WITHOUT him I will make this work for me. Take a stand for yourself. Or just ignore him, like I am doing with mine.

Since 1999 when I was looking for my first house he wouldn't even go see it after I bought it! We were living in my mom's house and I had to start cleaning it up and moving into it before he even saw it. He is still that way. I have to talk to someone about it because I think about real estate morning till night. One house I bought we couldn't move into because the neighbors were so (how DO u spell obnoxtious??) They wanted to buy it but they wouldn't pay anywhere near the right price. My partner finally agreed to help me fix it up because I told him I'd split the profit with him. A year and a half later he got $20,000. So now he's a little more interested. But not much. jrgnsn

Some times it is just so good to have some support and on this site is all I get. I appreciate your honesty. It helps to know that you are not the only one fighting an uphill battle....
I am going strong without him but I know that the financing on my own will be the killer since my name is not on our current mortgage, and, only holding a permanent residence card right now, I will have to be VERY, VERY creative to find my own financing.

To the April Confrence Call

business to yourself, people as you can see in the previous posts, live to kill any thought of financial freedom, unless it's the old fashioned way (working 50-60 hours a week for someone else), so i personally keep to myself with my real estate investing career, except for my wonderfully supportive girlfriend who thinks i CAN accomplish anything, but thats basically it. SULLY.

Thanks guys and I know you are right.
Funny you should say that; only last night, after reading chapter 14 of the book, I decided to talk to my hubby about the many ways we can invest without using our own money, since we have none, but he still took the negative approach and says that this is a scam.

I wanted to ask get him involved because I have a fairly unique set of problems in that I am only living here on permanent residency status, I am slowly building up my credit, I am not working and our home is only in his name (because I was not a permanent resident when we brought it).
I know there will be ways around this but I still have to find them! I will leave him out of it from here on in and when I make a lot of money he gets NONE....lol
I won't give up and I thank you both for your support.

I'll bet as he sees you succeeding he'll want in on the action. Hopefully you two can end up a great team. For now, you're doing great. Don't lose your positive spirit. Just charm the heck out of him, and he won't be able to give you too much grief.

Rina

We wives gotta stick together. lol

He can't give me too much grief; I just wish he could be supportive of me. You know, I have been a loner for more years than I can remember. I am just so tired of being/doing it all, alone. He has a million great points, but being supportive is definitely not one of them.
But, In all honesty, I do not have a single soul in this world who supports me.
I go home to Australia to visit my family every 12 to 18 months, but I find no support there either. SAME THING! Wonderful people with many great points; supportive is just not one of them; no matter how many miracles I have shown them.

What is it they say? You will marry someone just like your father...... Yuk...
Not entirely, but my father was far, far, far from supportive. He was down right abusive. My darling husband would never get away with that and he knows it.

Not to worry or complain. I have achieved many, many wonderful things in my life so far and will continue to do so no matter what obstacles that 'HE' puts up. (I am not talking about my husband either....)

Aim for the prize.

Just hang in there and don't ever give up on your dreams. Your from down under, and i'm from the small island in the south pacific. We islanders need to stick together, lol.

I think once you make your first deal, everything will come in place and he would want to get involve. Just keep the faith and don't give in to his negative attitude.

I had a friend she was like that. She was always negative and nag about every move i've made rather it was business or real estate. I eventually cut her out of my inner circle. I'm not suggesting to cut your husband out, but you have to do what best for you in order for you to accomplish your goals and dreams. Hang in there and you can make it if you put your heart and your mind into it. Good luck and keep him out of your real estate business.

______________________________

Lloydsap

I feel your pain. Here is an older post about that.

http://www.deangraziosi.com/node/3339

This is just a shot in the dark but, I have to ask. Everyone on here that has a negative spouse, do you nit pick your spouse for anything? Like for example, do you tell him to take out the trash or cut the lawn or clean up the garage? If so that could be the source of your resistance from wanting to become a real estate investor. When you push someone they push back. Hopefully you are always uplifting your spouse and telling them how much you love and respect them no matter what. If you take their criticsm as your responsibility and don't blame them you can control your future. If you don't take responsibility you have lost all control. When they tell you that you will never be able to become an investor or be able to buy a house are you snapping back at them? Or, are you uplifting them so that they will literally live up to your expectations? For example, when they tell you, you will never make it try this...well (your spouses name), I just see how much you have accomplished and done for this family and this is my way of just trying to live upto the standards you have set. Guess what, you just won him over. Keep telling him that and always be uplifting telling him how much he means to the familiy and how he is everything you hoped for in a man. Don't believe me? My mom had the exact same problem with my dad. I have never met a more negative person than my dad, ever! He told me that when I was growing up to never buy a house because i would never live to pay it off! So my mom started doing what I suggested and within 2 weeks it was a 180 degree difference. Now he is a motivated enthusistic machine, after all those years that was all that needed to happen. If you start telling your husband how great he is he will LITERALLY live up to your expectations! If you take responsibility than you have the power to change the situation, if you don't take the responsibility you are left powerless. By the way, some books to read "Bringing out the best in people" and "Love and Respect" and "The Five Love Languages" these 3 books are a must if you are married, they will change your life. This is coming from someone that has never been married but, I was in a 4 year relationship that failed and I tried to blame her instead of taking responsibility. I found out that placing blame is a waste of time and decided to figure out what I did wrong which lead me to a ton of relationship books that have changed my life. Remember every man wants a battle to fight, an adventure to live,and a beauty to rescue. Women please show your husbands that he has rescued you. Hope this helps.

Just hang in there start to do assignments or finders fees.That way you don't need a bank get a small check or a big one than your hub will start to believe in you and what you are doing.just have faith in yourself Deb let no one steal your dream.

Mr.Bill

I once had a good friend in Australia who was Samoen and he always told me that I would have been a great native of his country! We got along great.
Thanks for the great support. I really need it as I am so alone right now and it can be very hard at times.
I have to cut him off emotionally and it cuts the relationship in half. BUT, what else can I do apart from give in to his negativity and forget all about REI? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! REI is the only hope I have left in life.
Lets stick together in this venture and see how great we can be. I believe.

You do have a point, but I am so positive and no matter what he says or does, I give him positive feedback all day every day.
He is the most negative man on this planet and never shows his appreciation or respect for his spouse. I never get told that he liked the dinner I spent hours preparing. He never tells me that he is proud of me even though I have achieved so much.
I, on the other hand, tell him all the time how wonderful he is and how much I appreciate him and how proud of him I am. He has so many really good points. He just does not have any idea of being supportive or appreciative of me.
He really leaves me alone for 99% of the time.
Not saying I am not happy with him and my very blessed life, Just that I am very lonely and really want a better life so I can relax a little, for once, and never have to be tortured by a miserable dentist because he is cheap! (another story)

I read that post and replied to the poster. Nice for us to stick together.
Thanks Hazco!

I am going to keep the faith and not let him steal my dream. I will make him sorry he did not believe in me.

Hi Debbie, You can do it with or without him. You will see in time, then you can say " i told you so". So you keep learning. We are all here for you. We are all here to learn and teach. You are already on the right path, that is the most important of all. We will all stick together and go places. He may be at a stand still and you will be way ahead of the game. P.S my computer crashed this morning and I have had it since 1999, and now i am on a new laptop enjoying the site even more. Keep your head up. We will all work together.

Champions expect to be believed and when they are not, they let time prove them right.

You do your best. When he sees you're doing it for both of you and you appreciate what he does on his part, it is the most wonderful thing to have a husband on your side.
I'll tell you when we talk on Saturday what some of my story is. My husband was one of the meanest people you might have ever met, but the Lord (and the commitment of his family) changed his life, and now I wouldn't trade what I have. It's great to have a partner to work with and be scared with and to lean on. I'll be praying for that for you Deb.

Sincerely,

Rina

to say "I told you so."

I appreciate your support. I really do need it right now. One really tough time. I will be back on track again tomorrow regardless. Sometimes it can just take you back a step.
See ya!

I love to hear how things can change. He has changed in a lot of ways since we met, but his negativity runs VERY deep and covers every aspect of his thinking. This is the hardest one for me to handle. I know he has so much inside but he relies too much on 'murphy' instead of God.
I am so glad to know you and many of the other people who support me on this site. Tomorrow I get back on track and forget all this negative.

I have had enough criticism and negative conversations with people over the last 3-4 years. I have been down in the dumps and depressed about what direction my life was taking me. The more I thought about it and the more comments that I read from various posts. I have come to a conclusion that the number one action is to be proactive and take control of my life. I am the captain of my ship wether it is sinking or staying afloat. All of the negativity that I have seen and read is a bunch of garbage to say it nicely. If you think and most importantly act in a proactive & positive manner I would think that eventually I will see positive results. I need to stay focused and keep positive vibes flowing. I am hoping for sucess for us all.

Peace

Deb,

That's the ticket, forget all this negative and get back on track. The support in this series of posts is amazing, but don't get too comfortable in it. You know what you need to do - and that is to act!

I'll be looking to see your journal showing you reading ads for properties and making a call or two, to test the water. A suggestion above, to be alert to a deal that you can assign (for a fee) or get a finder's fee from an investor with money, may be a good way to start, due to your limited borrowing/credit situation. Good prospecting.

cactusbob

You just solved the puzzle. Now chase down your dreams.

.

You are so right Anita. Don't stop, pursue your dreams. Just go for it. Cindy

you are so very welcome. I am saying a prayer for you after i write. Is there anything i can help with? Please feel free to pm me anytime. I feel your pain, but ya know what you have all to gain. Cindy.

All,
Don't enable others to treat you badly by accepting their negativity. You determine what your value is, and if you believe in yourself, others will also.
We all have bad days, but to turn it around is the key. Get back up and put on that positive attitude.
Most negative people you can choose to keep your distance from. When it comes to a spouse, it's a little different. You are commited for life, you're not going to boot them out. BUT, a negative attitude CAN be changed, and does NOT have to be a cancer that spreads from one person to another. Trust, me, your positive attitude and support can do a miracle in that other person's life. And just because they are miserable for now, does NOT have to hold you back.

And, Deb,

I applaud you for your courage, deciding to be positive in SPITE of all the struggles. You are in a unique situation. You are just pursuing your US citizenship, have only the financial backing of a husband who is not yet supporting your dream, and are light years away from your family. And yet, you are DETERMINED to make this work. I have a lot of respect for that, and will be there for you with my full support.

Keep on going!!!!!!!!!

Rina