Dean Graziosi Weekly Wisdom #153 - When Negativity Becomes Destructive

I always look forward to "our chats" on Sunday. It makes me happy to know you read all our comments. I know a lot of people think I'm crazy, but I think of you as not just a mentor, but a friend.
You hit on some great truths today. The idea that stress is stress and it doesn't matter what the circumstances are is so true. I remember when I quit my corporate job to be a stay-at-home mom. I was just as stressed about a baby crying as I was about competing for a multi-million dollar contract.
Reaching out to others does reduce our sense of burden. A friend of mine recently had her third occurence of breast cancer. I was able to organize meals for the family with our church. That simple act helped put life back in prospective.
Remember what we have and what we can do.
Great sermon today in church about laying foundations. Foundations in faith upon which we can grow- but I was also relating it to laying foundations in REI. We have to work day by day, sometimes more or less on faith, that the foundations we lay, the seeds we plant, will bear fruit. I'm starting to pick some apples!
(Actually I really did just pick the apples from my tree yesterday - wish you could come over and eat some apple crisp!)

Dean, I'm also a big fan of Tony Robbins, and read Joel's book and loved it. I'm planning to get involved with Tony Robbins Basket Brigade, where we will deliver baskets of food to needy families during Thanksgiving. It's going to be a phenomenal experience -- to be able to give and share some of our time and abundance with others who are less fortunate.

Here's the link if any DGer is interested in checking it out: http://www.anthonyrobbinsfoundation.org/
(I love his videos!)

Have an awesome week ahead everyone!

I will be right over. Dean as always you continually enlighten us to how fortunate we are in many ways. We have to always see the best in ourselves and others to deflect negative thoughts. I have learned from a very young age the important of being thankful, just for the air I breathe, if nothing else. I try to always think positive and avoid negative people. They could be draining on the psyche. To be successful, there has to be a drive and a final line; as motivation. All this is available right on this site. We have here, what many others wish they had. All we have to do is to take advantage of the opportunity. With the information sharing on this site alone, we have our own library and resource center. What else do we want. The fact of it all; Stay Away From Negative People.

Thanks again Dean for taking the time to give us more wisdom. Great blog. I do like Jole's positive message also when we can not make it to our church we always watch Jole.

I am lucky enough to work at a county jail in California and I see and work with a lot of people that are down and out. So I am very thankful of all the blessings we receive. There are a lot of people in custody that are real good people at heart but have drinking and or drug issues. On the inside great people but while on the out side they fall back to the things that get them in trouble. I do see some at a Walmart that come up to me and thank me for the support that I have gave then on the inside and they have cleaned up their life's. I am very happy for them.

Dean I just have to say the guns are coming in good. You look bigger than when we were out there in Az keep up the good work.

God bless you and your family Dean and God bless the DG family.

Steve

TY Dean, for the reminder that we can inadvertantly become self centered. With civility, repect and compassion we can overcome MOST obsticles.

Earl

Great message. I just happened to have hung up with my mom, who is really very negative in all ways. She is a wonderful and caring woman but has had alot of pain and grief in her life. And although we try to include her in our lives as much as possible, she still is very hard to be around. I do see her almost everyday because we have a family business, so it really is hard to be positive around someone like that. So yes, you do need to realize that there are alot of people that have it alot worse than you and you do need to learn how to tune it out without turning them away. (Oh, and she's not a big fan of real estate investing either, surprised?!)
Thanks for listening!

Dean I want to thank you for reminding me that I don't have it all that bad. I'm grateful for being raised in the home I grew up in with both my parents, having no job 4 years ago, with no real college education and now working for a fortune 500 company. I'm constanly around negative people at work and always doing my best now to avoid them. Always enjoy tuning into Pastor Joel's messages and Tony Robbins golden nuggets.
Yesterday, I was feeling a bit down about not having done a single deal yet and really beating myself up about it. I wound up listening to a great speaker Les Brown who said; "say to yourself everyday, Its possible."
I too plan on going to a soup kitchen before Thanksgiving and be reminded that I'm ok. I don't have it too bad.
One more thing, "Life and death are held in the power of the tongue."

Very awesome Dean. That kinda mindset has helped me through what I thought was the worst of my life. When I lost everything in real estate in the crash I thought it was over then my wife got cancer and she was supposed to die within 6months to 2 years. By being around people worst off then me made me realize another day with my wife is a gift even if she didn't make it. I did however detach myself from most negative people.

I went against the medical industry and as far as now we won we did alternative and my wife is still alive and well. I am determined to do my first real estate deal from your teachings and get out of this medical debt. The cancer my wife has is gone but I am investing more in her health so it never comes back. At the end of the day it has made me into a CHAMPION and yes my wife and I both agree it was a blessing since before we were not living in realty. Hope to meet and talk to you one day soon Dean and God Bless You. :0)

Eric V

Thanks for this video, Dean. I recall hearing the Rev. Carlyle Marney speak years ago and say that there are two kinds of people in the world: balcony people and basement people. Balcony people lift you up and build you up by who they are and what they say, and basement people bring you down. We all have a choice on the kind of person we will be. Thanks for being a balcony person to so many of us.

I am so sorry that you were dis-appointed this trip Dean. Times are really tough on those that don't have money and some people feel like failures and don't want to show it. All we have to do is look around and it is easy to see and hear of others that have it worse than we do.

I have fought negativity all my life because I have always wanted a better life. Always poor but always looked around to see how others lived. Something that is paramount to me is to be considerate of other peoples feelings and their circumstances and to show respect at all times because we can not know everything that is going on with another person. Now being human as I am, I do make mistakes and sometimes say things that I shouldn't. God forgive me.

That is really cool that you still have friends/buddies from 5th grade upstate New York. Only 110 kids in the high school. I can tell it was upsetting you the way things turned out and it seems something is missing. I try hard to put myself in another persons place so I can understand their feelings. I wonder what your buddies do to earn a living. You said you sponsor the golf tournament. Do your buddies play golf and are they part of the tournament? I am sure that since you get together every year you are just as important to them as they are to you. Without a doubt you have shot to a level of success that is beyond the scope of what others can do. It can be lonely at the top for some. Where we come from? Where we get to? I can say with certainty that your buddies want to be with you and see you. I know I would love to spend time with you. Yet, I look at my circumstances and well, - - - - You are a multi-millionaire or beyond - Heck, maybe you are a billionaire by now and I only have $1.50 in change and about $4.00 in the bank until I receive my next income. I am being transparent but maybe it is hard for your buddies to be transparent. I am happy for you as I am sure your buddies are too. Sometimes people hide what is hurting them. Sometimes they feel shame or that they just have not become a success especially for men in their late 30's early 40's. Its called mid-life crisis. Add a bad economy and anything else - you name it and it can cause adverse reactions and yes negativity. You have it real good and what is really happening with the friends? My guess is their world is small while you are living large.

Now I could be crying over my financial status and it is alarming to me, but I know that I am not alone and I know that it could be and could get far worse. I am working to go forward and make things better so I do not have time to be negative. I have an agenda and goals and motivation and a good mentor (you) to start with. I do not have any significant other in my life or support system other than dg.com but I do have my faith in God and Christian belief and value system. I have my parrots and work to do.

Now suggestions on what to do. I do not think there is enough room for everyone to visit the soup kitchen. First set goals for spiritual, physical, financial, career, family, social, and mental. The first and most important is your spiritual life.

For God so loved the world that HE gave HIS only begotten SON that whosoever believeth in HIM should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

It has been proven over and over again that the Bible is the best resource to transformation of our lives and yet so few read it even many devout Christians do not read it. That is where I go to work on building my own character and values. I find direction and guidance there. In the Old Testament I begin with the Psalms and Proverbs. In the New Testament find what Jesus said in red. Follow Jesus and by the way it is not always easy to follow Jesus. But if you do follow Jesus and accept HIM you become heir to the kingdom.

While I am here on earth, it is not about me but it is about serving others in any capacity that I can.

Know that we are dealing with spiritual warfare -- the war between good and evil.
Whenever you can, remove yourself from the negativity. Do focus on being positive. Listen to soothing music. Go get a good massage. Gather some friends together for a weekly potluck and call it a discussion group. Its like having everyone in the family at the dinner table with the rule that no one leaves the table until everyone is finished eating. During that dinner hour everyone can catch up on what is going on with each of them and learn things that they otherwise would never have known. Try it and you will see a big difference in your relationships with your spouse/significant other and your children. Your children will learn a lot from you too by doing that and will make your job of parenting so much easier.

Those goals should be reviewed at least weekly and updated as needed. Now each individual has goals but then there are family goals that everyone in the family needs to be present to work on.

When things get tough as they are these days we can only count on each other. It is really hard to live without money unless you have focus and goals, and even then it can be difficult to live without money.

I always look forward to reading your weekly wisdom post to start my week on a good note, and with some purpose.
Since I discovered this site, a little over a year ago, my life has become increasingly busier, but in a good way. I have no time for negativity, and I try to tune out negative people from my daily life and replace them with positive actions towards my goals. I still follow your advice from one of your blogs several months back about the news diet.
When I feel down, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I look for ways to solve my problems-and a reason to motivate me to do so.

I continue learning and growing every day; thank you for motivating us every week, and giving us great messages.

Valerie

Your messages are always so uplifting!
I struggled with negativity for a long time, until I realized a pity party was getting me nowhere. I decided I needed to take responsibility for myself and make things HAPPEN! No knows what its like until they get to the other side, so why waste time worrying about it. As you said, focus on your OWN economy.
Thank you Dean!

RENinja

I want to be the one to help just as you feel and as you do. I have in the past and I understand the feeling that you need to profess where you want to be before you get there. I understand that what you rehearse in your mind is what you will receive. I am at my wits end. I cannot do any more. If this doesn't work, nothing will. I pray that this very real effort pays off. I have one last child to send into the world and I want to give her the best I can. It is up to God to make this work. I have nothing left within me. I thank God that he has blessed You and therefore you have blessed so many. I have tried to do the same without the same outcome God has blessed you with so far. Maybe this time is THE time. May God continue to bless you and yours and all that you do. Please do not stop. Continue with the wonderful gift God has given you.

Or, turn that frown upside down. Thank you, Dean, for your weekly insights! One thing I remember Dean telling us about is when he was having lunch with his friends - for every 1 thing positive, they had 10 negative things. If we could all turn that around and find 10 good things to one bad thing, we would be much better off.

Referring to his challenge, it's all about our comfort zone & how we see things in a different light, when we care about others. It's kinda like a boomerang effect: what negatives we throw out, it comes back to us. Thoughts turn into actions, and actions turn into results. The same thing with positives: we get it all back. Sure, we all have our up and down days like roller coasters, but it's how we get back up that matters the most. If we don't like what we see in our lives, we need to change it. All it takes is a flip of a remote, and some good apple crisp.

Dean
Go it -Away from the negativity--busy working the RE market

Positivity in thought, in action- all on board agreed!

Dean the tuition reimbursement program for Tax liens and deed- is slow to refund
the work is completed, the deadlines kept, the required liens purchased, paperwork submitted, the documentation verified. Positive action - dean style
When will the refund to the credit card, or a check arrive
Looking to note the action
Rosemary
PS called in to the numbers provided left messages

I'm open to meeting the process half way

With flexibility- What strategy needs modifying?

Listening....

Thanks, Dean. Great video on negativity. Love the fact that you are friends with Joel Osteen. I get his daily emails and they are sooooo enlightening. Helps me start my day! The one thing I try to do is shake off the negativity that comes from others. It is hard to do, but if you pray and focus on what you have and how you can be a blessing to others it does go away. Keep looking up and helping others.

I know that if I will program myself thinking positively this whole week, I'll be in good shape. Thanks for this great reminder.

Great message as always Dean.... Thank you.

This just brought back to memory my wife and I's trips to orphanages in Monterrey, Mexico! We take them regularly through an organization called Back2Back Ministries. It's so unbelievable what we all choose to **** an moan about when Americans are one of the wealthiest countries on the planet! In relation to other areas of the world, we pretty much have access to everything within a moments notice, and yet it's like we we are blinded by the immense blessings from God! Not trying to be political at all here, I just say this because for those of you who haven't taken the time to stop and put yourself in others shoes, it is such an eye opening, humbling experience! It Changed my heart and my mind! I would encourage everyone to find someway to serve those who are less fortunate from time to time.. It will change your outlook on life for sure....Go serve at the nearest shelter, or soup kitchen! Or.. Local churches are always in need of volunteers for community outreach stuff like Thanksgiving meal deliveries, or can food drives. Or really step out of your comfort zone and go serve in a third world country for a week! It's impossible to come back and not be changed! Thank you Dean for the reminder! So much truth in what you shared...

Dean,
This was the best blog you have ever done!!!It bring home the reality of how fortunate we really are.We should all spend some time in a soup kitchen and it will remind us of all we should be thankful and it will wipe out all the negativity there is out there.
Your friend from Poughkeepsie.We met at 2010 at you EDGE Conference in Phoenix.

Dean,

THANK YOU! just what i needed this am! God bless, Dirk
}

Speaking and feeling happy can be hit and miss. One day you’re up, the next you’re down. But what if your focus is down more than up? What if you are more negative than you’d like – what if you are being overcome by it?

Get Dean's New Book "30 DAYS TO REAL ESTATE CASH" Right Now

Don’t suppose it’s purely a bad habit — negative or stressful life events have a tendency to stay with everyone longer than happy ones. It’s normal to spend time working through some events, when something went wrong, to learn from it. However, if negative thoughts are casting a shadow over a big part (or all of) your life, there are skills you can learn to stop them in their tracks.

One is to verbally and mentally take control of them - countering them. If you think ‘I’m worthless’ then say out loud ‘I am valuable and unique’…remember a situation where you felt valued, assured and calm. Bring that feeling to the front of your mind. There are quite a few other techniques, but today's Weekly Wisdom shares something else you can do to find a sense of joy and it works like a magnet in a bucket of nails…[/quote]

Dean,

THANK YOU! just what i needed this am! God bless, Dirk
}

Speaking and feeling happy can be hit and miss. One day you’re up, the next you’re down. But what if your focus is down more than up? What if you are more negative than you’d like – what if you are being overcome by it?

Get Dean's New Book "30 DAYS TO REAL ESTATE CASH" Right Now

Don’t suppose it’s purely a bad habit — negative or stressful life events have a tendency to stay with everyone longer than happy ones. It’s normal to spend time working through some events, when something went wrong, to learn from it. However, if negative thoughts are casting a shadow over a big part (or all of) your life, there are skills you can learn to stop them in their tracks.

One is to verbally and mentally take control of them - countering them. If you think ‘I’m worthless’ then say out loud ‘I am valuable and unique’…remember a situation where you felt valued, assured and calm. Bring that feeling to the front of your mind. There are quite a few other techniques, but today's Weekly Wisdom shares something else you can do to find a sense of joy and it works like a magnet in a bucket of nails…[/quote]

In Reply to NBAY-COM

I Think you may need to listen to that again man. You are taking things out of context. I don't think he himself was saying the president sucks. wouldn't that be totally contradicting his point if so? I believe that statement was in reference to the attitudes of either his friends or a lot of people out there who are complaining about many things these days, one of them being the president....

Thank you Dean, Great message for everyone. Also, I really need your help. I am being offered a house to buy for half price, But I do not have the funds to do so. My credit score is very low And the buyer needs to cash out on the house. I really need your advice on this one Please respond. Thank you

You are what you think you are, you become what you associate yourself with! One must think consider and practice what you preach however things aren't-so bad that they could be worse, its not what your country can do for you, its what you can do for your country! I am by no means political and I think that this forum should not be a place for politics and please let's stick to Real Estate which I know will keep things positive without offending anyone! Thanks to our creator,I wish everyone the best and have a great future!

Earl Nightingale said That you become what you think about most of the time. You get what you think about most of the time. Negativity produces negative results. Positive thoughts and positive words can create much better results.

Proverbs 23:7
For as he thinks in his heart,
so is he.

Godspeed
Kevin

negativity is my husband live every day. but i keep tell him i will make it in this investing world. and when i do my plan is to build a homeless shelter in my little town. so i love your blog today. keep up the wisdom dean.

It's hard sometimes to reverse the negativity in one's life. Everyday stresses and life itself can be a downer. But...one universal law is that "For every action there is an equal and OPPOSITE reaction." Meaning that: if there is a negativity out there that is a 10, there is also a positive out there that is a 10. Our job is to find that positive. It's out there somewhere.
When you look at the bigger picture it's a little bit easier to find that positive. If we are truly here to help other people, think about this: You didn't have your bid accepted by a seller, The seller still won because he/she is getting rid of their problem house. You spoke to someone about their options to do a short sale but they decided not to do it, you gave them hope or alternatives they didn't know about. etc.
There is a positive to everything. You just have to find it. If you can't see it, do as Dean says, "Find someone who is less fortunate than you and spend some time with them."
Maybe do that anyway, it just might make their negativity a little more positive.

Great lesson Dean. Looking forward to next week's wisdom.

Andy Sager
DG's AndyS